Limbo
by aloquaciousgirl
Summary: Alice is good at keeping secrets from her brother, but this one she won't keep to herself. AU Set between New Moon and Eclipse, deviates slightly from the books.


Title: **Limbo**

Pairings/Characters: Bella, Alice

Rating: K

Summary: Alice is good at keeping secrets from her brother, but this one she won't keep to herself.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer still owns everything.

--

I was in that strange place between asleep and awake where I could fall off a cliff or find a stranger chasing me in the dark, over pools of ice…or sometimes, its where I would find my skin tingling with Edward's lips searing the skin frozen hot and making me like him.

I wished the last one could be reality every time that I saw it.

They didn't feel like dreams, but even when I was living them (_dreaming them_?) they didn't _feel _fake. I thought that maybe this was how Alice felt when she was looking into the future…like she was on the precipice of truth, but couldn't quite catch it.

It was always, always _just _out of reach.

I wanted to cry sometimes when I had that dream because I was so close…I was _so close_ and then…it just pulled away and I felt hollow inside because I didn't have Edward, not really. He couldn't ever really be mine when I was still this feeble, delicate, pathetic, human.

It was painfully unfair.

He was killing me by keeping me alive, and he didn't even care. It wasn't fair.

I had gone wild with hysterics the first night I woke up from that dream, and Edward wasn't there. Once I calmed myself into a false security that everything would be okay, I was glad. He couldn't understand, he still didn't, and I was scared that if he saw what it did, how scared I was that maybe he'd leave permanently.

And what would I do then? I couldn't force myself to so much as contemplate a back up plan. If that happened, then I just didn't care what happened to me.

I shivered and turned messily in bed, my duvet cover and sheets twisting around my legs when I woke up. I was sure this would mean tumbling out of bed onto my face, but I couldn't care. Not right now. I was too self involved with everything….why couldn't he love me enough to want me with him forever?

I pulled my face from my pillow, suffocating myself wasn't going to solve any of my problems, and as I jerked my head up I caught a flash of silver by my window.

_Edward!_

My heart skipped a beat, and I left the surrealist world of my half-dreams . I shot up in bed, more fast than graceful, and counted myself blessed to not have tumbled onto the floor after the precarious position I had stuck myself in with my blankets.

My eyes refocused in the dim light as sleep dropped away and my vision improved. The shape in the shadows was smaller than Edward, and fit easily in the window ledge.

No, not Edward.

"Hello Bella." Alice's voice was quiet, and she waved with a small smile, as if she had just been waiting patiently for me to be awake.

But I'd never actually been asleep, had I? It was so hard to tell with the vivid dreams that haunted me anymore, some nights I wondered if I actually slept at all, but I must have or Edward would have said something about it. No, it was only when he was away that my mind tormented me.

"I'm sorry, I hope I didn't wake you," She continued,

I assumed she was giving me a minute to gain my bearings, and it was helpful. Alice was always good like that. For one who didn't remember what it was like to be human, she was very accommodating about the entire situation.

I shook my head vigorously. As much as I had wanted it to be Edward at the window, back with me, I couldn't be upset that Alice was there.

"I did try my best to be quiet, but I don't think that I'm quite as stealthy as Edward or Jasper." She paused, and when I said nothing, continued, "But I looked ahead, I was very careful-I had promised Jasper I would be if he would stay home-Charlie is sound asleep. Anyways, I don't think he would have been very upset if he saw me here."

Alice smiled, she knew as well as I did just how fond Charlie was of her. However, I wasn't quite sure how I'd explain how when he went to bed, I was alone and then suddenly gained another body in my room in the hours since he'd gone to sleep. I decided to focus on her original statement while I got my thoughts together.

I nodded my head. "You didn't wake me. I never went to sleep…I think."

Alice's perfect pink lips made a small 'o' and she jumped up from the window with a grace I couldn't even manage in a dream.

"You didn't move for a very long time." She told me, "But then you started to move quite a bit. I thought you might be having a nightmare…but then called for Edward."

Alice had a thoughtful look in her eyes as if she was dissecting what she had watched, and when I knew that she had heard me call out for Edward like I so often did, I could feel my face flush with heat. I could only hope it was too dark for her to see, or that she'd be too involved to notice it.

I pulled one of the blankets that had twisted around my feet and wrapped it around my shoulders. It had gotten a few degrees too cool for my comfort with the window open.

Alice noticed, of course. She shut the window quickly and quietly.

"I'm sorry, I forgot." Her tone was apologetic but I nodded it off.

"Its fine…" My voice trailed off as I tried to decide why Alice was here. She was usually so much more straightforward. "Alice, why are--"

"Why am I here?" Alice interrupted quickly, moving from the window and curling up at the end of my bed, tucking her feet under herself so lithely that I was reminded of a dancer.

Everything about Alice was pretty and graceful. I would be jealous, I thought, if I didn't love her so much. Maybe I even could still be jealous if she just wasn't…if she wasn't Alice. Rosalie was so easy to be jealous of, and I knew that as long as I was human, I was bound to feel that way. It was difficult to understand sometimes how Edward had chosen me when Rosalie had been meant for him…she could be for him so many things that, as long as his current thoughts held up, I never could be.

"I missed you, I suppose." She said thoughtfully, "And I've never really had a chance to do this like Edward does…" She motioned in the space between us. "Besides, I didn't really think that…you don't mind that I'm here, do you Bella?"

I shook my head vigorously. In all my life, I'd never had a true friend, not like Alice. "No!" My voice rose just an octave too high and I winced, hoping Charlie hadn't woken up. "I was just wondering…"

Alice nodded her head, "I just wanted to be sure. Jasper is often right, but even he…is not _always _right." She looked like she wanted to say more, I thought, but she didn't.

That was strange, at least in my experience with Alice. Almost always I knew that she told me exactly what was on her mind, I didn't often worry that she kept things from me, like I knew Edward did. He meant well, of course, I knew that too, but it was still frustrating.

I didn't push it, but did wait to say if she'd say more. I took a moment to count back in days to the last time I actually had seen Alice. Three days, she must have been busy with Jasper. I wondered if he and Edward had fought over what I'd done in Phoenix. I never had told him that it wasn't Jasper's fault; I never thought I'd actually get away…it was stupid luck I ever managed it.

Or maybe it was just destiny, and Edward intervened.

"About what?" I asked her.

I was mildly surprised by how awake Alice's appearance had made me. Just minutes ago I had been on the near fringes of sleep, I had been exhausted, and now…it reminded me of the sleepovers I'd gone to in elementary school, at the houses of girls who were more acquaintances then friends; how halfway through the night I'd call my mom begging her to come and get me and she always did, then we stayed up late into the night watching old movies and eating popcorn.

Alice and I should have a sleepover, I decided. It was so human…I knew she'd enjoy it, and I think I would too. As much as it was difficult to be away from Edward…I sometimes felt like Alice was the only one who understood how I felt. I even thought that maybe she wanted me to be like her, just as badly as I wanted it.

Alice frowned, but didn't look upset; more like she'd expected this question and had just been waiting for it to be asked. Of course she was, I thought, I wondered if she saw the entire conversation in her head before we even had it. If she did…it had to be tedious to have the same conversation twice.

"Edward's cross with me." She replied simply, "He probably wouldn't like it very much that I was here. _Edward _is displeased because he refuses to keep his gift to himself."

I nodded my head. "My mom told me once that my grandma used to tell her eavesdropping is the best punishment for a curious mind."

Alice smiled, "I like that. Someone should tell Edward that, he doesn't use his gift with very much discretion at all. You're lucky to be immune, Bella."

I agreed with that generally, though sometimes I thought it would be easier for Edward to believe me if he saw that my thoughts reflected the truth in my words.

"Did you see something he didn't like?"

Alice laughed quietly, and the bright sound sharp and beautiful like crystals mesmerized me. I thought I was getting better at not being affected by such things, and was clearly wrong. It took me a moment to shake it, and by then, Alice was explaining.

"I thought something he didn't like very much. Its not my fault though, I did warn him to keep out of my mind since the last time…" Her thought trailed off, but she picked up quickly; to distract me? "Nevertheless, he was not happy."

I thought about that, and for the slightest moment, was filled with a glimmer of hope. Maybe I hadn't missed my chance to be like them.

"I can't change what _I _think, however." Alice's delicate pink lips settled in a firm line. "Edward is…_entitled _to do as he wishes, I suppose…but I'm allowed to think as I wish."

The second half of this came out like a grumble and I could tell that whatever she thought, that the disagreement with Edward disgruntled her.

Every ounce of my soul was aching to ask, _to know_, what it was that she thought that bothered Edward so much, but I couldn't bring myself to ask. My mind was wild with curiosity and yet…I truly couldn't bring myself to ask. Maybe because I didn't want her to tell me that no, she didn't see me joining their family any more. If I was to get an answer, I wanted it to be one I'd like.

"Bella," Alice rested a hand on me knee, and I looked up at her. She looked very serious now, and it was a different look for her. The last time she looked like that, she had seen my death. My _final _death. A death with no happily ever after with Edward.

But it couldn't be that. Edward would not be hunting if my life was in danger, that much I could be certain of.

"You know how much I love you, don't you? That you are just as much my sister as Rosalie?"

I felt my eyes twitch, but swore to myself, I would not cry.

However, I didn't quite trust myself to speak, so I nodded my head. Alice wrapped her arms around me, hugging me.

When she let go, I forced myself to speak calmly. "Thank you, Alice." I felt my voice crack a little. "I do love you-you _are _my sister, always."

"Good." Alice nodded her head, and I got the feeling this all was leading up to something she had been waiting to say. "Then I do hope…well, that's not important. I would like to tell you the reason why Edward _recommended _that I stay away from you for awhile, if you don't mind."

I couldn't get purposefully, decently, angry with Edward, but I was bordering on the edge right now. The idea that Edward had warned the one member of him family who truly, deeply, _liked _me was hurtful. I didn't see an excuse for it, unless he was trying to separate me from his life altogether.

"Generally, Edward and I have been on the same side. The three of us: Edward, Jasper, and myself, relate well to each other given our eccentricities, or gifts, depending on your point of view."

"Gifts." I supplied.

Alice smiled, "Very well, gifts. Its why, I suppose, I understood his…obsession…with you-I hope you don't mind me using that word-in the beginning."

I shook my head, no, I did not mind at all.

"Apparently however, Edward and I have different ideas of what the outcome of…well, everything should be."

My eyes widened, had my future changed? The idea of that filled me with misery.

"I should have guarded my thoughts more carefully, I know how Edward feels. He is quite insistent upon leaving you as you are…but Bella, he is wrong. You know it too, don't you?"

I nodded my head quickly. "Yes. I-"

Alice raised a finger to quiet me, "I'm almost done, I promise."

"I know what I see, and I have been wrong before, he's right about that…it has happened." She frowned, clearly unhappy with the occurrence of uncertainty in her record. "But, I'm not wrong about what the outcome of this should be. There's no other possibility for either yourself or Edward…he's being obstinate now…but he'll accept it sooner or later."

I felt like wailing, however could she be positive? I was terrified of any other alternative but the future I knew she had foreseen…once.

"But, Alice, how can you know that?" I felt tears at the edge of my words, and worse than that, I felt like I was…_betraying _Edward, in a way that I couldn't quite make sense of yet.

"Please don't get hysterical Bella," Alice begged me, "I didn't mean to upset you, please just…._try _to calm down. Please."

I took a few deep breaths, and when I trusted myself to speak again, I repeated my question. I wondered if she had seen the night going like this.

"How can you be sure?" I pressed. "Alice did you see Edward turn me into a vampire? Does he?"

Alice shook her head and averted her eyes from mine. What was so bad that she couldn't even look at me. It was all so painfully unlike Alice that I had trouble believing it.

"Alice, please." I begged her, and I thought the sheer level of desperation in my voice made me more pathetic than I realized I had become, where Edward was concerned--more importantly, where my _future _with Edward was concerned.

"I haven't told anybody, not even Jasper." She spoke quietly, "I can keep a secret from Edward, its difficult but I've done it before. I slipped up this time though, it was all my fault. I was feeling particularly emotional you know…and he was angry. He's convinced that my line of thinking is…_skewed _but…I saw it."

"But you said he doesn't turn me, Alice!" I couldn't take it anymore, I promised to calm down but I could feel hysteria getting a hold of me again.

"He doesn't." She said quietly, "But I do."


End file.
